Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
so much tequila, so little girl.
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