just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
