My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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