getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
