Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
