Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
