Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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