Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
