Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
