dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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