oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
