whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
