Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
