I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
