And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
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