hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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