this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
