I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
well you can't waste a boner
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Found your dick twin last night
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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