they need to just BURY HIM!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
That's how pantless uber rides happen
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
