It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
