I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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