I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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