No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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