he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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