mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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