eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
