Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
