dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
