i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
