This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
