new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
