i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
