I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
