this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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