I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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