never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
