I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
