new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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