I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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