I wish I could punch you in the face.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
