I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
