we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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