So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
