Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
