A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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