How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
