If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You're a waste of cheezeits
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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