I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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