Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
