There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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