I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
