So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
