I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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