I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
operation harelip BJ is a go
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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