Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She bit a glass in half.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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