I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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