How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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