I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My dick has a subreddit
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
