Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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