planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
