Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
