Your tits are I can't wait for
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
