If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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