hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
