just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
