Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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