I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
