He uses pillows to masturbate.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
