the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Welp...herpes.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
well most of my day revolves around power hour
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize